The answer to that question is NO!
What happened wasn’t necessarily explained in my world…in my mind. It was acceptance.
To accept what was or what wasn’t.
To accept the unknown for the known.
To accept the why and the why nots.
The tears no longer flow for the matter that was. They flow for the matter of what I have done to myself for so long. They flow for the trust I feel for people who don’t trust me, and for the hurt that people don’t know they inflict. Although, it is quite possible though that they know, but they just don’t think or rethink. They don’t know empathy for others or verbalize it. The ego makes you strong, but I see the weakness that ensues. To let someone hold value in your life (whether they are a friend, family member, associate, co-worker, etc) makes them a part of you…you allow them a place in the space of your mind, in a space of your soul.
Pause.
Maybe this is too much. Maybe this is too much for you to comprehend. How can someone…like me or even anyone; allow this much LIFE to come in.
To be sssooo unguarded.
To be sssooo open to someone else.
To be sssooo feeling.
The new turn to make is numb. I can still see, but my eyes are closed. Life is still there and waiting to be loved, but love is no longer in my definition of what life is. I used to say live lovely when I was younger. I used to define everything with love. My family does these things for me because they love me. I want to do these things for this person or that person because I love them. I thought that was real love and happiness was born from it. Now I know that truth is the love that no one feels anymore.
Did the World End in 2012? The answer is no…
Fire Waterfall…
So the New Year is coming and I can’t wait! I’m so ready to jump off the cliff that has been this year and dive into the beginning of the wide open possibility of 2012.
I have all the ideas and plans that will work for me…me…me. I’m usually not very selfish, but look out world that selfish workaholic is coming back with vengeance. She’s thirsty for blood and the words of my faves (” Think about yourself”,”Do what you want to do”) will come out without remorse anymore. Then again I’m not sure if I can escape remorse, but I sure can try! I’m gonna roll around, wade in the deep, and shake my curl feathers…LOL. I was that girl who would wait it out and be cautious, but I think I’ll keep the cautious part and leave behind the wait it out part.
I’m ready to run again, because walking hasn’t been good enough this year. Chances will be taken, feelings will be spent, but the budget will always be in tact.
Orange Tear…the last to fall
Sometimes you try to convince yourself that the best is yet to come…that this couldn’t possibly last forever. Then the gray shows up…and you feel like the only thing holding you back is YOU. What’s the difference? What’s the point? When you really want something…its just that, You really Want it! Life isn’t always fair though. Sometimes you put so much energy into it that you just can’t understand what was working or what was good or bad. The memories turn into all bad, and the good ones used to seem so GREAT! You don’t get everything in life that you want and sometimes you have to just let it all go to understand it. The little things in life are everything, and what you miss the most can’t be replicated in a fantasy universe. Its not the same.
Reality becomes so bright that you have to squint to see it and the passion behind it makes it all come true.
Love these little things…
