So the New Year is coming and I can’t wait! I’m so ready to jump off the cliff that has been this year and dive into the beginning of the wide open possibility of 2012.
I have all the ideas and plans that will work for me…me…me. I’m usually not very selfish, but look out world that selfish workaholic is coming back with vengeance. She’s thirsty for blood and the words of my faves (” Think about yourself”,”Do what you want to do”) will come out without remorse anymore. Then again I’m not sure if I can escape remorse, but I sure can try! I’m gonna roll around, wade in the deep, and shake my curl feathers…LOL. I was that girl who would wait it out and be cautious, but I think I’ll keep the cautious part and leave behind the wait it out part.
I’m ready to run again, because walking hasn’t been good enough this year. Chances will be taken, feelings will be spent, but the budget will always be in tact.
Sometimes you try to convince yourself that the best is yet to come…that this couldn’t possibly last forever. Then the gray shows up…and you feel like the only thing holding you back is YOU. What’s the difference? What’s the point? When you really want something…its just that, You really Want it! Life isn’t always fair though. Sometimes you put so much energy into it that you just can’t understand what was working or what was good or bad. The memories turn into all bad, and the good ones used to seem so GREAT! You don’t get everything in life that you want and sometimes you have to just let it all go to understand it. The little things in life are everything, and what you miss the most can’t be replicated in a fantasy universe. Its not the same.
Reality becomes so bright that you have to squint to see it and the passion behind it makes it all come true.
What does it mean to burn alive?
What does it mean to freeze to death? ; to drown; to fall from 60 stories above; to get hit by a car…
What does it mean to love?
What does it mean to hate? ; to empathize; to degrade; to appreciate…
Fear runs in both directions maybe not in your minds eye, but could it quite possibly run someone else? Why do we fear things in life? What do you fear? Do you fear loving your child so much that your way is always the better way…do you let them decide; do you love your child so much that they always have the final thought?
What’s in your minds eye? Can you see how this affects her? Can you feel her heart through her eyes? Its hard to tell without words…are there enough of them to explain the unknown. Are there enough non-judgmental thoughts, body parts, and cover-up treatments to HELP?
At this point, spiraling upward is the same as spiraling downward…you can’t tell where it will end or why it won’t… just…END…
The truth is told. Fear has been the answer for so long that other options are are in a somewhat lost state. The fight to find them is like a dream.